Spirit Grooves

Those Moments…

By on June 17, 2012

Did you ever have one of those moments where everything feels so huge and so far out of your control that you just want to crumble right to the ground?

Where concepts like “reality” and “normal” and “life” are more confusing than comforting?

Where all the people who love you don’t add up to one person you feel like you can reach out to and get the exact thing you need?

Where you feel so alone…

But since there is no time to let any of that slow you down, you just carry on and do what has to be done in the moment: you feed the people you’ve committed to feed and nurture those same ones. You run on adrenaline for another 12 hours or 12 days until that moment comes again and everything that’s too big for you to carry on your own starts to crush you again?

And then do you remind yourself that you’re making mountains out of mole-hills and that your problems are so small compared to people who truly suffer with health or poverty or loss?

Do you start counting your blessings because you are truly blessed? And do you find that even though that helps your spirit to know there is light and joy and ease right around the corner, you are still struggling to breathe under the weight of the task at hand?

Do you ever think that if only you were stronger, you could do better? And do you blame yourself for your lack of strength?

I do. Every day sometimes. At some point in each day it all sweeps over me like an energy tsunami. It can be one little thought, like a bill that should have been paid yesterday, or a promise that was unkept 20 years ago. And in that moment I want to cry out loud that it’s all too much for me and that I can’t do it, I just can’t do it.

But then the moment passes and I continue on and I find a way. So far I’m getting those pesky things done before anything really troublesome happens. And I am beyond blessed with the help I do have. And because my brain chemistry allows me to, I can let it go and enjoy all the other moments.

I know how lucky I am. But man, those moments….

Posted in: Grooves

Comments

  1. Karen@WaistingTime
    June 18, 2012

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    Oh, yes, I think we all have those moments. Sometimes. We can only, as you found yourself doing, put things in perspective. And keep on keeping on. And often times things are just not in our control so it doesn’t matter if we were stronger. We are who we are and we can control only what we can control, should we choose to do so.

  2. Ellen
    June 18, 2012

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    Yes, yes. I have those moments where I think I literally cannot take one more thing or else I will fall apart. In my case, anxiety feeds on itself and if not properly addressed – even embraced, it can make those molehills feel even more like mountains. How wise of you to be in tune enough with your feelings that you know where you are emotionally; you are aware of the happening around you; just remember to allow yourself to be human because I know with the goodness of who you are, you are doing your best. Hugs to you.

  3. munchberry
    June 18, 2012

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    I know what you are feeling. Strangely I think it is a small blessing that you have wee one that requires you be present. Otherwise it is easy to check out. One foot in front of the other. Remember what immediate and pressing gets the priority and the other things like broken promises get set aside for later (maybe).

    Be sure to get out and get air a few times a day. You HAVE to even if you think it is not important. At one time in my life I was what I considered irretrievably low. I made the turn when I went out, exercised in fresh air and reframed things while I was out there. Be sure to get your sleep. No sleep, you cannot think.

    I am with ya and put it right back to ya that you can send me a note if you need to spill.

    At the end of the day when you are laying in bed and your mind wants to rehash the worst of it – you stop it dead and count out the things you know for sure that are blessings. YOU control your thoughts – not the other way around, but you have to flex that muscle.

  4. Laura @ LauraLivesLife
    June 18, 2012

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    I these moments weekly if not daily, so I totally feel you! In my case, it has to do with taking on too much (or just enough) and then realizing what I’m taking on!

  5. Melissa
    June 18, 2012

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    Oh, goodness, I could have written this, though not likely as clearly. It’s true that there’s almost always a way to carry on and do what needs to be done, but that doesn’t change how utterly overwhelming everything can feel in those moments. Thank you for putting those feelings into words and helping those of us who know them all to well to remember we’re not alone.

    I think the lack of actual villages probably contributes to this phenomenon. Most of us do have far more responsibilities, and more pressure than one human can reasonably take on without occasionally feeling like we’re about to crack. One day I hope to become so good at building and maintaining and relying on community that I can put all that behind me, but that’s no easy task for modern man.

    Lots of love to you, Tree. If there’s ever something you need that I might possibly be able to give, I hope you’ll reach out, even across all these miles. xoxo

  6. Stephen
    June 26, 2012

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    Oh honey. I need to hug you much, much more.

  7. beerab
    June 28, 2012

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    Yes I feel that way, specially lately, and pretty much since last January, some moments are fine, then others I break down and lose it. I can say therapy has helped lessen my stress *hugs* it might help you.

  8. Goodnuff
    July 3, 2012

    Leave a Reply

    ALL. OF. THE. TIME!
    But you are truly amazing to be able to look at it during one of those times with a positive attitude and an understanding that it will pass. Such as life, the ebbs and flows. I’ll tell you that lateIy I have been less reactive which also worries me…who frets about not worrying?

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