It turns out that yesterday was World Food Day. I’m so moved by this issue and the issue of Clean Water for all people. It really comes even before homelessness, which also breaks my heart. I want to give everyone a place to live and food and water and love…
I didn’t even know about the event until it was happening, so I had nothing prepared. But part of what I want and need to do as I go forward in my life is to participate more actively in these things that make the world a better place; that bring comfort and peace and healing to people (and animals) who need it.
So I decided that at the very least, I could eat very mindfully all day. I could appreciate every bite and I could be much more conscious about what I put into my body.
Well… it’s simple, but for someone like me who more often eats only while totally disconnected from any kind of grounded, appreciative or peaceful place… it’s very challenging.
And it’s gotten me thinking about how much food I eat that I don’t need. I think about this often, but today I’m thinking about it in the context of all the millions of people who go to bed hungry each night. I am not going off on a Guilt Trip (though it’s hard not to) and I don’t believe that anyone needs or deserves to take on any blame in this way. I’m just exploring something here and maybe someone else will relate to what I feel.
Here’s a funny twist: One of the things that contributed to my own eating disorder, over-eating, is that I have always been overwhelmed by the pain in the world. As I child, I would cry for people who suffered either in my own literal back yard or on the other side of the world. And it didn’t get better as I got older.
It’s only one aspect of my own “issues” but it’s a real one. I never felt strong enough to bear the pain in the world. Ring any bells for anyone else?
Why I thought it was my responsibility is anybody’s guess. I used to joke that I had a Messiah complex. Only I wasn’t really kidding. I believed that if I saw it, I had to fix it. If I new about it, it was mine to solve. My Responsibility.
So I stopped watching news or reading about anything. If it was big enough, I’d hear about it. For a while people gave me a hard time about that as if I was socially irresponsibility or didn’t care, but eventually I got the right kind of support and learned to trust that I had to live with my sensitivity, that I had to protect myself, and that I had that right. Unfortunately by then I was already partially protected by the “buffer” I carried on my body.
I feel fat is like this sometimes: it’s a thick fog that surrounds me so that no matter what comes at me energetically, it doesn’t make as much of an impact. Imagine an arrow of energy been shot from a powerful bow… without my “fog” it would impale my delicate flesh and hurt me terribly. But when that same energy arrow hits the density of the fog, it is slowed down and often stopped before I feel anything at all. I can still see it and know that it’s there and what information it contained, but it couldn’t pierce me, invade me, hurt me (I keep wanting to say Devastate me).
Too bad knowing this isn’t enough to change it, huh? It’s only the beginning. Next is the work of building a different kind of defense and/or coping mechanism that can be online before trying to release the lovely fat that has worked so well for so long.
I’ve only described part of why I’ve buried my own head in the sand about World Hunger for so long. I’ve known about these things, but have stopped short of doing anything. First because I spent so long trying not to feel any of it, and then because I have a terrible, useless mechanism that says if I can’t do it ALL, I just do nothing. And feeding the world/ bringing clean water to the world are too big to do ALL of for any one person.
Here is the point I’ve been meandering to.. for anyone else who, like me, can be overwhelmed into paralysis by their sensitivity… and who might feel like they can’t do enough to matter anyway… If we DO do something, we will feel better and stronger and we just might make a difference. And that something can be as small as dropping off some cans at a shelter, or closing your eyes and visualizing a better world. It’s about intention.
And the healing for us is that by taking action we start to create flow and movement and this is how we can start to make different, better, more conscious choices about what we want next for our physical bodies as well as our life paths.
And here are the Organizations I know about who always have really easy ways to participate in ending World Hunger. There are many others, of course.
FAO.org, Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations