Spirit Grooves

World Hunger and one fat girl

By on October 17, 2012

Disclaimer: this post is not really about World Hunger so much as it’s about moi and the rabbit hole of my own inner workings I went down. Fascinating stuff.

It turns out that yesterday was World Food Day. I’m so moved by this issue and the issue of Clean Water for all people. It really comes even before homelessness, which also breaks my heart. I want to give everyone a place to live and food and water and love…

I didn’t even know about the event until it was happening, so I had nothing prepared. But part of what I want and need to do as I go forward in my life is to participate more actively in these things that make the world a better place; that bring comfort and peace and healing to people (and animals) who need it.

So I decided that at the very least, I could eat very mindfully all day. I could appreciate every bite and I could be much more conscious about what I put into my body.

Easy, right?

Well… it’s simple, but for someone like me who more often eats only while totally disconnected from any kind of grounded, appreciative or peaceful place… it’s very challenging.

And it’s gotten me thinking about how much food I eat that I don’t need. I think about this often, but today I’m thinking about it in the context of all the millions of people who go to bed hungry each night. I am not going off on a Guilt Trip (though it’s hard not to) and I don’t believe that anyone needs or deserves to take on any blame in this way. I’m just exploring something here and maybe someone else will relate to what I feel.

Here’s a funny twist: One of the things that contributed to my own eating disorder, over-eating, is that I have always been overwhelmed by the pain in the world. As I child, I would cry for people who suffered either in my own literal back yard or on the other side of the world. And it didn’t get better as I got older.

It’s only one aspect of my own “issues” but it’s a real one. I never felt strong enough to bear the pain in the world. Ring any bells for anyone else?

Why I thought it was my responsibility is anybody’s guess. I used to joke that I had a Messiah complex. Only I wasn’t really kidding. I believed that if I saw it, I had to fix it. If I new about it, it was mine to solve. My Responsibility.

So I stopped watching news or reading about anything. If it was big enough, I’d hear about it. For a while people gave me a hard time about that as if I was socially irresponsibility or didn’t care, but eventually I got the right kind of support and learned to trust that I had to live with my sensitivity, that I had to protect myself, and that I had that right. Unfortunately by then I was already partially protected by the “buffer” I carried on my body.

I feel fat is like this sometimes: it’s a thick fog that surrounds me so that no matter what comes at me energetically, it doesn’t make as much of an impact. Imagine an arrow of energy been shot from a powerful bow… without my “fog” it would impale my delicate flesh and hurt me terribly. But when that same energy arrow hits the density of the fog, it is slowed down and often stopped before I feel anything at all. I can still see it and know that it’s there and what information it contained, but it couldn’t pierce me, invade me, hurt me (I keep wanting to say Devastate me).

Too bad knowing this isn’t enough to change it, huh? It’s only the beginning. Next is the work of building a different kind of defense and/or coping mechanism that can be online before trying to release the lovely fat that has worked so well for so long.

I’ve only described part of why I’ve buried my own head in the sand about World Hunger for so long. I’ve known about these things, but have stopped short of doing anything. First because I spent so long trying not to feel any of it, and then because I have a terrible, useless mechanism that says if I can’t do it ALL, I just do nothing. And feeding the world/ bringing clean water to the world are too big to do ALL of for any one person.

Here is the point I’ve been meandering to.. for anyone else who, like me, can be overwhelmed into paralysis by their sensitivity… and who might feel like they can’t do enough to matter anyway… If we DO do something, we will feel better and stronger and we just might make a difference. And that something can be as small as dropping off some cans at a shelter, or closing your eyes and visualizing a better world. It’s about intention.

And the healing for us is that by taking action we start to create flow and movement and this is how we can start to make different, better, more conscious choices about what we want next for our physical bodies as well as our life paths.

And here are the Organizations I know about who always have really easy ways to participate in ending World Hunger. There are many others, of course.

ONE.org

FAO.org, Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations

Water.org

 

Comments

  1. Laura @ LauraLivesLife
    October 17, 2012

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    I think I understand where you are coming from – and for me, it’s all culminated in the presidential race. I ain’t watch the debates because I’m too passionate about it. It works me up, and I hate that I can’t do more and give more (for Obama). Instead, I just stay out of it. I’m not happy with that decision, I just don’t know how else to deal with it.

    • treepeters
      October 28, 2012

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      I can totally relate to that. I watch and want to do violent things to Mitt’s mitt. The second one was fun though! I think you’re doing okay to stay away from things thta are just going to rile you for no good reason. It’s not life-affirming so it doesn’t create positive energy in the universe. I”m sure you did something much better with your time.

  2. jan
    October 17, 2012

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    You are such a kind soul! I am constantly torn between feeling so thankful for what I have and then extreme guilt for how amazing and easy my life is compared to those in third-world countries. I wonder why God chose me to be born in this life, in this time? I still do not know, but I go through each day doing the best that I can.

    • treepeters
      October 28, 2012

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      I think that’s all you can do, just your best and to appreciate all you do have.

  3. Melissa
    October 17, 2012

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    I just want to hug you. You are such an inspirational woman, Tree. I see so much of myself in this, and yet I keep typing long comments and erasing them out of shyness. I’ll just leave it at a sincere thank you and work through the rest in my mind for now.

    • treepeters
      October 28, 2012

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      that means so much to me. And anytime you feel like sharing more, even in a private message, I’m here to hear you.
      xoxoxo

  4. Cammy@TippyToeDiet
    October 18, 2012

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    What a wonderful message. We are blessed to have clean water and abundant food sources. I try to keep this in the forefront of my mind, but life (with its “issues”) sometimes gets in the way.

    • treepeters
      October 28, 2012

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      Well, we can’t think about that all the time. Aside from drowning us in sadness, what would be the point? I do believe that being grateful for all we have is important somehow. I think it makes a difference. And then finding any way, no matter how small to help.

  5. jules- big girl bombshell
    October 18, 2012

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    Teresa…

    thank you for writing this. You put so elegantly into words how I have felt inside for forever..

    and yes…whatever we do, no matter how small, is important. It’s like the phrases one day at a time, or baby steps…we ALL can play a part of the bigger picture by those small gestures.

    • treepeters
      October 28, 2012

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      thank you so much for saying that, Jules. It’s really comforting to get feedback and connection after writing something like this.
      And I like the idea of baby steps, small things… I can do that.

  6. beerab
    October 18, 2012

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    You know I think part of the reason I over-eat was because growing up, my mother would FILL my plate with much more than I needed (looking back now) and then would guilt-trip me by saying “there are starving children in the world.”

    I always felt like if it was on my plate, I HAD to eat every bite, no matter how uncomfortable I was, and I know that contributed to my lack of understanding how much food I needed, and contributed to losing that “I’m full” moment. It took me a LONG time to get to a point where I’d eat reasonable portions, like backwards training.

    I think any help is better than doing nothing :)

    • treepeters
      October 28, 2012

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      oh yeah, that clean your plate thing was a big one, wasn’t it? And then the guilt on top. Yum!!
      I had to stop myself many times with Em and tell her instead to just stop eating if she wasn’t hungry anymore.
      We’re only now introducing the idea of children who don’t have as much.
      Backwards training is exactly it for us! Knowing hunger and fullness…
      thank you so much for commenting.

  7. Munchberry
    October 18, 2012

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    I think of my fat as my protection sometimes. And I am often paralyzed by getting overwhelmed with others needs (those I know and abstract). Totally get it. Then I decided I would try to help so I did CASA which is where you represent the needs of children in court. Um. Bad idea in a small town and where you are known or in the book. Nix. I tried a few more things, but they either brought grief or danger or consumed me. It took me a while to find something helpful and gratifying. It has to be gratifying. I help with the food bank and doing things for the older set and the homebound. Simple things. No, I am not changing the world, but I am changing me and a making a few lives easier. Meh – goodnuf! as a certain someone sez

    And no news. It pisses me off.

    • treepeters
      October 28, 2012

      Leave a Reply

      Oh my gosh, that CASA thing!!! That’s so intense. I can imagine how it could be brutal too. I don’t think what you ended up with sounds simple at all. It’s kind of huge and I do believe those things change the world. It’s a ripple effect of kindness and good energy.
      And yeah, the news is effed up. it’s either gruesome or totally bubble headed and lame.
      sheesh.

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